Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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