Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
