So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
