Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
