I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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