# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
