The maid of honor just puked.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
