I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize