you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
