I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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