I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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