so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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