This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
