why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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