You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
