Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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