I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
