i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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