think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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