I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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