I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
