hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
