I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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