I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she told me i tasted like america
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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