I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
