so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
