i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
