i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
