when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
