Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
