i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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