Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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