we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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