True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Houston, we have a blender
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
