Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
