What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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