he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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