wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
whose parrot is this?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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