Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
