i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
