New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
