Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
