So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
