i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
