i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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