Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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