im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
