Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
