Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
