I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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