covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
