It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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