I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
