I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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