I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
