I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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