We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
