She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
