We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
