did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
