And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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