I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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