I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
