doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
