Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
