I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
