i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
