he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
