we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
