it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
