I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
