I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
