U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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